Ingvar Kamprad Elmtaryd Agunnaryd

I bet you didn't know that . SHE likes mnemonics. SHE has some favourite ones like Cats Often sit down carefully perhaps their joints creak. SHE knows that it is a geological time-line mostly done with camels but SHE has substituted Cats.On old olympus,s towering tops a Finn and German viewed some hops is something to do with a frogs head but SHE cant remember what. SHE has no idea what ABC Chimps means , but SHE had to learn it once for something for orders in the Periodic Table so it could be that.

 SHE has always known that pipeline under the ocean is PLUTO and so Ingvar Kamprad Elmtaryd Agunnaryd is a like device. I bet you have it now. IT is the name of my favourite shop.  I know that you BEN , dear Master, love that design shrine and home of tasty meatballs. SHE has only been once , but YOU and your SISTER HER have been lots of times. Now your Other SISTER HER who lives here in the wilds of the North has become a Big Fan. Here is a movie for you.You see why I like it.

I think they will have lots of complaints in Sweden. They are caninophobic. But that's their problem. As long as my species is represented and appreciated in the  CATalogues I feel I can hold my head up high as THEY all discuss SISTER HERS new kitchen , cotton duvet covers and DIME bar dessert.

I am not going to make any useful suggestions. I have heard that the LITTLE HIMS are coming here to the Kiaora house at half term for many days , whilst boxes are unpacked and flatpacks unflatpacked. 

THEY have thought of everything, ALMOST...

Well , I have no complaints at all about the standard of care THEY have given me. THEY have made provision for everything.

But I have this against THEM, THEY have forgotten my first love. I am not the atheist cat they think I am. I am not going to be left behind. I am on my own journey. 

THEY thought about me when they were in Sussex

 Its doesn't take much for THEM to be reminded of me.  I know that when THEY are in foreign parts every cat they see triggers a fond thought. I wonder how darling Samson is , or something like that.THEY are not stupid or narrow minded when it comes to cats. They are nor besotted or out of control with THEIR  thoughts and purchases. I know THEY  will not embarrass me at Cayton Carr by sending me a Postcard, or ringing to see if I am OK. THEY know that I am well adjusted, independent,  nonchalant even when it comes to remembrance of times past when THEY were still around , and caring for my every need. I just don't need THEM all the time. I too  require a break from THEM. I like to ponder, to cogitate and sit and watch the other guests . I can see them in their parallel runs. I call it cat watching. I could and can do it for hours. SHE does it in Marks and Spencers in Brighton.

SHE sat there for an hour on Monday this week , in the entrance, with all the old ladies and men. SHE saw some sights too. SHE was mesmerized by some of the outfits, hats, shoes and sizes of the sussex yeomanry and yeowomenry.

When THEY  were at the Festival in the Park , at Burgess Hill last Saturday THEY took a picture especially for me . THEY thought it would make me laugh. It is of a dog wearing a coat during a shower of rain. SHE knows I love the ridiculous, owners of course, not the poor dog-  the very idea.

THEY also took a photo of a cat they thought I might like, doing the very thing they have chastised me for.

The Message

I know quite a lot about Bibles. THEY have a selection of them.  Today SHE has been and bought another one . It is a New King James , New Spirit Filled Life Bible. She likes this one because it has got lots of notes, references and comments. Its good for HER to be quiet sometimes. SHE thinks SHE knows everything. There aren't any cats in the Bible, probably because the Egyptians loved them so much and the time in exile before the Exodus was not one of the best times for OT peoples.  I do have some relatives who were the GOOD GUYS though. Guess the story from the picture below. I prefer not to remember that David was good with a slingstone against wild lions however. 

I have had a good listen to all the translations . I have a clear favourite. It is called THE MESSAGE. It is not an accurate translation , more of a paraphrase for cats like me who need to hear words in simple and understandable language.  Now that I am a published author, and my article in the August edition of The Envoy received acclaim, it is very important that I am able to show the people of Filey Parish that I have a real faith and not one inherited from THEM. So I have started to listen in earnest to this paraphrase. It is in american slang , but I have had to endure so many editions of The Simpsons and CSI Miami whilst living here so I understand it perfectly well. 

I have a good bit I like from The Message

Be content with who you are, and don't put on airs.

God's strong hand is on you...

It is from 1Peter 5-humbled I am.

Ive been to GIMP and back

Waiting for housegroup

I am waiting for THEM to arrive. There is a group here tonight.It is called the Housegroup and THEY are all reading a book together called Hebrews. Mostly THEY laugh and use long words. I think it is a cover for a coffee drinkers CLUB. I can smell it already, waiting on the filter bed. SHE and HE have been to the Humber Bridge today , to the pub on Hessle Foreshore to celebrate HER sisters BIG birthday.  Little HE went as well, and was very good, so I overheard HER telling His mother. I have had a boring day.  Just nothing went on at all. The generator is silent next door at the Building site.They are having a Holiday I think. No one came , and even the birds stayed put in the big tree.

So I'm glad its housegroup and I'm sitting on the drive waiting for THEM to arrive.

Oh! Greyscale me

I have made HER go into GIMP and greyscale me. SHE has her instructions.She is to e -mail me to Stephanie Pride at the Filey Mercury before it is too late.  SHE  knows how to do attachments. I do so want to appear in our local paper before it is too late. I don't quite know which page would suit my visage best. 

The Houses for sale Pages

I know I am not a house for sale. There are plenty of those at the moment in the Mercury. When we have to use just the Scarborough Evening News, the house buying habits of the town will be revolutionised. No longer will Filey be seen as Paradise. All over this small place the potential movers will realise that there are houses to buy in Scalby, Burniston, Falsgrave and Wheatcroft. Lebberston and Gristhorpe will cease to be out of town and Cloughton will be a suburb. The Filey Gene pool will be further mixed and all will benefit.

The Small Ads

Now I certainly do not want my picture appearing on this page. I am not for sale. I am quite happy with HIM and HER.

Front Page  I would of course like to be a headline

Beautiful cat  at Kiaora wins!

followed by a 

Lead Story

It was announced today that Samson has won the prize for the best cat blogger in the UK. Filey is so honoured that he is an adopted son . 'This is even better than winning Britain in Bloom' said his servants HIM and HER, whose stunning garden has won many national prizes.

Sports

Yes! I could fit in here. My fitness regime and claw sharpening technique on the Tree are worthy of a Sports Page. I have twice run so fast that I have outwitted starlings as well as sparrows.I am not a team player though and the Mercury does like to show off the prowess of all the football teams with their interesting logos, Dixons, Smarts , Dales and the latest one Tescos -by -the -sea.

Coffee Mornings and Summer Fayres Page

SHE never goes to any of these so I dont see why I should appear on such a page.  It would seem so disloyal.

Births Marriages and Deaths

The very idea!

Letters to the Editor

Dear Stephanie Pride, 

I meant to write to you before this, and tell you how much I like your style. I wish you well in your new role or job. SHE and HE read the Times, so you might like to try there. Ruth Gledhill (HER favourite ,is behind a paywall now  with Times Online)I dont know what the world is coming to.

Yours sincerely

Samson

 

World News

I think I could be World News, after all I am Literate so maybe this would be the right page for me.I have heard of TS Elliot and Paul Gallico and have statues of my relatives in the British Museum from ancient Egypt. 

Leader

I don't know much about your editor at the Filey Mercury. He must have lost his job now or been sidelined into the SBN. His column inches would suit me best of all . So put me there and I will be a content Kiaora Cat.

RIP Filey Mercury