I have made HER go into GIMP and greyscale me. SHE has her instructions.She is to e -mail me to Stephanie Pride at the Filey Mercury before it is too late. SHE knows how to do attachments. I do so want to appear in our local paper before it is too late. I don't quite know which page would suit my visage best.
The Houses for sale Pages
I know I am not a house for sale. There are plenty of those at the moment in the Mercury. When we have to use just the Scarborough Evening News, the house buying habits of the town will be revolutionised. No longer will Filey be seen as Paradise. All over this small place the potential movers will realise that there are houses to buy in Scalby, Burniston, Falsgrave and Wheatcroft. Lebberston and Gristhorpe will cease to be out of town and Cloughton will be a suburb. The Filey Gene pool will be further mixed and all will benefit.
The Small Ads
Now I certainly do not want my picture appearing on this page. I am not for sale. I am quite happy with HIM and HER.
Front Page I would of course like to be a headline
Beautiful cat at Kiaora wins!
followed by a
Lead Story
It was announced today that Samson has won the prize for the best cat blogger in the UK. Filey is so honoured that he is an adopted son . 'This is even better than winning Britain in Bloom' said his servants HIM and HER, whose stunning garden has won many national prizes.
Yes! I could fit in here. My fitness regime and claw sharpening technique on the Tree are worthy of a Sports Page. I have twice run so fast that I have outwitted starlings as well as sparrows.I am not a team player though and the Mercury does like to show off the prowess of all the football teams with their interesting logos, Dixons, Smarts , Dales and the latest one Tescos -by -the -sea.
Coffee Mornings and Summer Fayres Page
SHE never goes to any of these so I dont see why I should appear on such a page. It would seem so disloyal.
Births Marriages and Deaths
The very idea!
Letters to the Editor
Dear Stephanie Pride,
I meant to write to you before this, and tell you how much I like your style. I wish you well in your new role or job. SHE and HE read the Times, so you might like to try there. Ruth Gledhill (HER favourite ,is behind a paywall now with Times Online)I dont know what the world is coming to.
Yours sincerely
Samson
World News
I think I could be World News, after all I am Literate so maybe this would be the right page for me.I have heard of TS Elliot and Paul Gallico and have statues of my relatives in the British Museum from ancient Egypt.
Leader
I don't know much about your editor at the Filey Mercury. He must have lost his job now or been sidelined into the SBN. His column inches would suit me best of all . So put me there and I will be a content Kiaora Cat.
RIP Filey Mercury
No comments:
Post a Comment