My trip in to the unknown

I have always been a well adjusted an well rounded feline. I do not have to read tomes by Oliver James to know this. I have managed to live a contented life amongst humans who care for, respect and nurture me, with the the result that I now can and will speak out about my  cataspirations for the next  decade.

As a child of the eighties and a teenager and young adult of the noughties I stand upon the threshold of maturity and middle age. I have all the necessary life experience , reasoning skills and appreciation of reality to be thankful that I have grown up to be so stable, balanced in outlook, and superior in wit and education compared with say the local Filey fishcats or the incomer west riding softrich cats or the asbo wealding scavenging tanked up benefit cats. I am modest.  I am healthy , I am well groomed, well read and metrocatsexual .So I am  Purrfectly qualified to write to cybercat world with my pontificat ions about life the universe and everything.

I have decided that I might as well take this catblog into this next decade. I have my Catbook facebook page, my Twitter account, my sojourns to my 5 star Cayton Catteries, my 6 bedroomed mansion with extensive pleasure grounds. I have a reasonable, mould able, persuadable, staff. I have you Ben , my dear and beloved Master, in Blackheath in the Cat estate, or is it Cator estate. I have lots of interests suitable for a mature norwegian blue /persian who is elegant, attractive, single and soporific vibrant vital.

Yes I will go on , I will continue to please you Ben,and  all your network. I am not going to be negative in thought , or when I put paw to mouse, metaphorically that is(literally would show a base nature that I have overcome in this Christian household).

Now that I have put back some order in to my routine, as the jalopeno stuffed olives and Green and Black chocolate season is over, I will be doing my exercises again and leaving clumps of fur in the hall. SHE  and HE are back to reading Times 2, the cheese has all finished, and Wallender and all Silent Witness type BBC is back to making for gentle and gory evenings.

Let me know what sort of stories you want me to regale. I am thinking of you right now, knowing you do not have a holiday until April.  I wish I could look after you , and feed you bits of salmon and hake, and snuggle up with you Ben. Even though I am now older and so mature, I will never forget our young times together, when we depended on each other . You will always be my muse.

Not what it seems

Tell me what you see Ben!

Blinds in the window of a house. Five miniature cyclamen plants in a trough in front of window in front of house. Glimpse of green louvred window shutters in front of house. Cream cat sitting lying in window of house ,in front of neat venetian blinds, parallel with trough of tastefully planted cyclamen plants on window ledge of Early Victorian cottage, with green shutters,  in a North Laine in Brighton.

No! It is a dead stuffed cat.

Too many Style Magazines

I have been sitting around looking attractive for over 13 years.  I dont know exactly  for how  many Feline years I  have stalked the earth going this way and that. My Paperwork is only for those people whose name begins with v ... and of course my lovely lady at Harfields.

When I first chose to stay with HIM and HER in this coastal town somewhere on the East Coast, you dear master gave THEM instructions for keeping my fur well groomed. So I am writing to give you my archdeacons inspection  of a report on my maintenance.

For the first six months of my domicile SHE tried to brush me with that lethal weapon you called a brush.  SHE said it was more like a carding comb   in the cloth making process, so vicious was it upon my poor but lovely fur. SHE struggled on until this summer.  Sometimes I let HER brush my back for all of 2 minutes, but I didnt like it.  SHE wore yellow gloves always, and I would saunter up to HER when I saw her put them on.  SHE had to hold my collar to keep me in brushing distance.

There has been a change. SHE has bought a new brush.  OH, the difference! Not only do I bound up to HER now when I see the yellow gloves but I positively look forward to it.  Now as I am being made tangle -free and attractive  I roll over for her so that SHE can do my tummy , and I let her brush me for as long as SHE wants. I purr, I look at HER with those 'food please eyes'.  I meet HER gaze and let HER know that I am perfectly satisfied with HER standard of care.  I do not need GOK whatever his name is.  I do not need to be spoken to in simpering tones(SHE doesnt do simpering). I am gorgeous,  I'm  just too cosy to get up from the chair and show you.

Turning my back on Eastenders

Have been doing it for years!

Planning Permission

THEY have been on the phone to solicitors , neighbours , and some of their children all week. Today they have had a visit from a neighbour they know.  He was here for over 2 hours and they had not even had their breakfast.  I digress here to say it was 10 o'clock. This afternoon they had a visit from a neighbour they have never met before.  He was here for 1 hour.

SHE is amazing .  Not only can she access the Scarborough Borough Council's planning portal, but she knows how to find all the letters from interested people in Filey who are commenting on the proposals for Affordable housing in this Conservation Area of the small town I now call home. I have been listening to the things SHE has been saying the THEM and HIM. She knows words I have never heard before, and they were not expletives . SHE has a grasp of the social history of Filey that it doesnt even know it has itself. SHE is using strange new words and phrases like 'done deal' and 'no brainer' and 'money talks'. She is looking at Old Maps and the Bible. SHE is determined that people who need a home must have one. SHE is investigating Night Shelters and Charities for the homeless. SHE has been to talks at Mothers Union.  SHE knows that many ex-service men are looking for Affordable Half way housing, as they get their lives back on track after dealing with Mental Health and Drug problems.

SHE has decided that SHE mustnt be a nimby. 
SHE needs however to stop digressing into ifs and buts and maybes and really consider my application for Affordable Housing of my OWN. I do not even have a bed I call MINE. THEY put bits of furry cloth on the seats they deem to allow me to sleep on. I am not asking for much. Many , many times I have to sit outside the back door hoping they will build me a small place of my own. I only have temporary accommodation , and only on certain days , when the Barometer is on 28 or 29.

A suitable place for a cat ?

I have only lived here for 485 days. In my reckless past I explored the neighbourhood, sniffed around, scratched a bit and took notes. Now I have widened my exploits. I am a Twitterer.  I am a Gourmet. I am an Entertainment. Best of all I procrastinate.

Shall I do lists of my Twitter interests? I am lying here in THEIR sitting room thinking about it. Here is my list of the lists

• best cyberfriends
• dogs I could relate to
• THEM and THEIR friends
• Cultural Interests for Felines
• Other cats with interesting carers

Shall I think of the food I really like and think about ?

• Caviar
• Prawns
• Steak and Kidney
•  Dolcellate and Stinking Bishop

Shall  I think of the places in the house and grounds that show me to best advantage when subliminally messaging THEM that I need praise

• On the sofa
• On the Wheelie Bin
• Lying  prone  or supine, both have had the desired effect
• Looking asleep on the mat , exactly half-way , in front of the Firescreen.
• On HIS Knee, whilst SHE has the camera.

Or shall I just think. Is the house warm?  Am I a lovely shade of gray?  Is Filey full of old people? Do we need Waitrose?  How many lives does a cat have? Do I want stay here?  Is it a suitable place for a cat?